“Surely, my kid is the only one in the world who does that. We are doomed.”
I can’t count how many times I’ve thought that in the last two years of being a parent (and I’ll be the first to acknowledge that two years isn’t very long).
Yesterday, Graham was having a hard day—he wouldn’t go to nursery, and threw at least half a dozen tantrums throughout the course of the morning. And then he spit directly into someone’s face.
How do you apologize for your kid spitting at another kid?
I was trying to manage my flustered frustration, while a veteran mother and grandmother rushed off and came back with a few tissues to clean up both kids. When she handed them to me, I asked her if it was normal: “Do other kids spit at people?” She nodded. “Of course. He’s two.”
Two things stood out to me about her reaction:
How quickly she acted. She could have just stood by and watched, but she didn’t—without asking, without wasting any time, she hurried to get tissues, so everyone could clean up with no hassle.
How graciously she responded. Veteran parents, correct me if I’m wrong—but the disconcerting thing about having children of any age is that you have some degree of perceived responsibility over another human being, but, thanks to free will, you don’t have control. I can influence and facilitate what my child does by teaching them the groundwork (manners, honesty, kindness, morals, and the like), but I’m not in their brain telling them what to do. At the end of the day, even two-year-olds make their own choices (i.e., spitting in their friend’s face).
It’s really easy to feel hopeless and embarrassed when your toddler acts out, but the way people respond can completely change your feelings in that moment. She was gracious and understanding, and helped me to see that it was going to be okay.
She responded with a lion’s share of kindness, and I will remember it for the rest of my life.
We all have the choice to be kind, both with our words and our actions—and we have no idea how what we do and say can influence people forever.
Today, be the person who helps.