For the Love of the Game

It’s a busy season right now—a combination of my two “sweet little tax deductions,” as one friend calls them, or Curtis (he’s very wonderful) being busier than usual, or work at the middle school, or the chickens . . . Mostly the chickens.

At any rate, even in the busy season, I’ve been writing quietly in the background, and the launch date for Finley Pike 4 is on the calendar (June sometime, I think).

In this hectic season, I’m reminded of an email one of my good friends sent me years ago. Over the years, it has stayed in my mind, and as I ease back into blogging, it’s a good re-entry point.

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For the Love of the Game—

Why does a writer continue to work on a story at night, at home, long past the end of the work day? The writer could have been finished already, submitting a competent news story and posting on the website before going home for an early dinner. Lead sentence, a few quotes, a wrap-up, and on to the next project.

For that matter, why do professional writers spend their whole day strapped to the conveyor belt, churning out copy—then return home, only to continue with their personal writing projects? 

When Michael Jordan signed his first basketball contract, he discovered that NBA owners had a toxic fear of basketball injuries. So their contracts prohibited skydiving, skiing, and other injury-prone activities—including pick-up basketball games and street ball. But Jordan wouldn’t tolerate this for a minute. He demanded (and got) a permission to play basketball anywhere and everywhere he wanted, a special contract rider under the heading “For the Love of the Game.”

After practice, driving home, he’d stop at random playgrounds and play for the fun of it.

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At the end of the day, the people who persist at their craft are the people who love it.

3 Ways to Validate a Real (or Fictional) Person

A little validation goes a long way, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to say. After all, we can only compliment someone’s hairstyle or their golf swing so many times.

 Next time you’re using validation (in real life or in fiction), try one of these approaches instead.

1. Ask an obvious question to let them answer it:
   “Are you on your walk?” This validates their experience.

2. State something about how they’re feeling:
   “You must be sad, I would be too.” This validates their emotions.

3. Affirm their actions:
   “That was a good idea.” This validates their decisions.

3 Ways to Encourage Imagination

School teaches a lot of practical life skills—how to do basic math, use critical thinking, and relate to peers and authority. In school, you learn what’s appropriate social engagement and how to measure the velocity with which a bowling ball will hit the ground if you drop it off the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Cool stuff, for sure.

A “functional” society revolves around the pragmatic skills that students learn in school, but a healthy society involves something not often taught in mass education: Imagination.

Merriam-Webster defines imagination as the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses, or never before wholly perceived in reality. In other words, imagination is the ability to see things that don’t exist.

It’s the tool that gives musicians the ability to create new music, artists the inspiration to try something different, and authors the dream of a story.

In a world of black and white, imagination is what washes things in color. It sparks joy and interest and engagement and thought. Imagination makes the mundane delightful—a stick becomes a horse, a paper becomes a ball, a child wearing a bedsheet becomes Superman.

Children are born with an innate sense of imagination, but over the years, it diminishes in most of us. The concrete concerns of adolescence and adulthood push imagination to the back seat, and eventually things like taxes and broken furnaces completely take over. For many, the color palette becomes grayscale.

Pretty grim, right?

The good news is, growing up doesn’t have to beat the imagination out of people. Here are three ways to encourage imagination in kids as they grow, so they stay imaginative as adults.

1. Never downplay their ideas. It doesn’t matter if you’re positive it won’t work—if a child or teenager suggests a solution to a problem, let them try it for themselves. Imagination is highly susceptible to peer pressure. If an adolescent’s idea gets mocked once, they’ll be much less likely to voice another idea.

2. Let them love to read. Be flexible about chore time—the garbage can wait an hour or two to go out. If your kid is reading under the covers with a flashlight, don’t make them go to sleep right away. When you read, your mind learns to fill in the blanks of “how I think that looks” or “what might happen next”—this strengthens the imagination muscle.

3. Give them “what if” scenarios. Imagination isn’t just for the artists and poets—it’s what sets a great leader apart from the rest, because they have the guts to attempt something that no one has done before (I have an idea . . .). Teaching children and teenagers to imagine different outcomes based on their decisions helps them think more creatively in every circumstance, even as adults.

Imagination makes life better—in a world of people staring at the ground, teach your kids to look for pictures in the clouds.

Be the Person Who Helps

“Surely, my kid is the only one in the world who does that. We are doomed.”

I can’t count how many times I’ve thought that in the last two years of being a parent (and I’ll be the first to acknowledge that two years isn’t very long).

Yesterday, Graham was having a hard day—he wouldn’t go to nursery, and threw at least half a dozen tantrums throughout the course of the morning. And then he spit directly into someone’s face.

How do you apologize for your kid spitting at another kid?

I was trying to manage my flustered frustration, while a veteran mother and grandmother rushed off and came back with a few tissues to clean up both kids. When she handed them to me, I asked her if it was normal: “Do other kids spit at people?” She nodded. “Of course. He’s two.”

Two things stood out to me about her reaction:

1. How quickly she acted. She could have just stood by and watched, but she didn’t—without asking, without wasting any time, she hurried to get tissues, so everyone could clean up with no hassle.

2. How graciously she responded. Veteran parents, correct me if I’m wrong—but the disconcerting thing about having children of any age is that you have some degree of perceived responsibility over another human being, but, thanks to free will, you don’t have control. I can influence and facilitate what my child does by teaching them the groundwork (manners, honesty, kindness, morals, and the like), but I’m not in their brain telling them what to do. At the end of the day, even two-year-olds make their own choices (i.e., spitting in their friend’s face).

   It’s really easy to feel hopeless and embarrassed when your toddler acts out, but the way people respond can completely change your feelings in that moment. She was gracious and understanding, and helped me to see that it was going to be okay.

   She responded with a lion’s share of kindness, and I will remember it for the rest of my life.

We all have the choice to be kind, both with our words and our actions—and we have no idea how what we do and say can influence people forever.

Today, be the person who helps.

4 Things I Learned about Potty Training

A few months ago, a friend told me Graham was ready to be potty trained. I put it off for a month or so, but on spring break I set a schedule and we tackled it. Here’s what I learned:

1. You set the tone
   This is an exciting development in your toddler’s life! If you’re excited, they’ll be excited too. If you’re angry, they’ll mirror that. If you sit next to the toilet and cry, potty training will seem like a bad thing to them. A little bit of cheerfulness goes a long way.

2. Be consistent
   For our first day of potty training, we went every 20 minutes. Yes, we went to the bathroom around 30 times that day. Yes, it was a lot of times. On the second day, we went every 25 minutes, and by the third day we were pushing 30 to 45 minutes. It seems like a lot, but remember—this is a new thing for a kid. For the past few years, they’ve been able to execute every bodily function completely on demand. The more consistent you can be with them, the sooner they’ll learn it.

3. Have a reward
   Peeing in the toilet is fun. Getting a mini M&M for it is even more fun. Whether it’s a small piece of candy or something else your child loves, reward their accomplishment! Positive reinforcement is a huge motivator.

4. Stay off the carpet for the first few days
   Your kid will have accidents. It happens. And it’s okay. Clean it up, move on, and be kind. They don’t like it any more than you do.

Remember. This is a person too—just a little smaller, a little more sticky, and a little more chaos driven than you are. You will both survive.

“Treat your child the way you’ll want to be treated when you’re old and they help YOU go to the potty.”

— Laura Booz, Expect Something Beautiful (Moody Publishers, 2021)

And, as I jokingly told a few people before we started, “I’m sure he’ll be fully potty trained by the time he’s 16.”

You can do this, mama.

The Good Days and the Hard Days

Yesterday morning, I was talking to the IT guy when I casually put my hand right into my cereal bowl—which was still full of milk.

Yesterday afternoon, the checkout person at the grocery story accused me of stealing because I put bags of items into my cart after scanning them but before paying for them. She probably thought the screaming toddler who wouldn’t sit still was a cover-up for a shoplifting scheme.

It’s amazing how the events of one day can cross the entire map of emotions, from hilarious to humiliating.

Devotional points:

• Never assume you’re putting your hand onto your coffee mug without checking to make sure it’s not a cereal bowl.

• Next time you see the mother of a toddler having a hard time at the grocery store, give her a kind word of encouragement or offer to pay for her groceries. Don’t just watch her in the produce aisle and laugh at her.

I was going to write “To the Discouraged” today, but ironically, I couldn’t think of much more to say than what the Little Blue Engine repeats all the way up the mountain:

“I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.”

But maybe, sometimes, that’s all those who are discouraged need to hear—with one small twist:

I think you can.

Thinking about People: To the One Who Doubts

In some ways, doubt is one of the best tools for growth—it can inspire investigation, research, and careful consideration. As such, doubt isn’t something to be afraid of, but something to embrace with careful guidance and intentional boundaries.

For the past 2000 years, people have been doubting Jesus Christ and His death on the cross for us. After all, how could a person be expected and willing to die for other people? And if God is so good that He’ll make such a big sacrifice, why do bad things still happen to “good people”?

Some questions we cannot answer, beyond trusting in God’s ultimate goodness and justice. But other questions, we have definite answers to. I wrote these rambling thoughts and truths lately for a friend who is working through doubts about grace, prayer, and depression.

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As Christians, each one of us is a forgiven sinner. If never sinning again was the result of being saved, there wouldn’t be any Christians. Our sin natures make sure of that.

BUT we have an advocate in Jesus—when Satan brings our sins before God the Father, maybe saying, “Look at the wrong thing she did,” Jesus Christ intercedes for us. He might say something like, “Yes, she did those things, but she is my child. I paid the price on the cross for the sins that she struggles with. She will not be held accountable for that.”

That is the beauty of salvation—we are saved by grace, not because of the good things we do, or the bad things we don’t do. Grace means that God has given us a gift in salvation, and once we accept it, we’re His children for eternity.

The Bible intentionally calls us children of God. What is meant to be the most steadfast, influential human relationship—a Father with his children—illustrates God’s relationship with us once we are born again. God as our Father does not—will not—ever abandon us. We belong permanently to Him.

Because of God’s unconditional love for us, we know with certainty that God wants to hear every prayer that we pray, no matter what it’s for. There is no such thing as a prayer that is too small or too insignificant for us to bring to God, even for something like depression.

For people who do not struggle with depression, it’s really hard to understand what a constant battle it is. But we know with certainty that God doesn’t cut off His children who struggle with depression, because there are so many people in the Bible who dealt with it—sometimes well, sometimes poorly—but God didn’t forsake them. Two of the major ones are Elijah, in 1 Kings 18 and 19, and David, all through the Psalms (Psalm 6, 10, 38, and 42 are just a few examples).

God considered Elijah such a righteous man that he raptured him (2 Kings 2:1, 11-12)—he didn’t die! And David is called a “man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22). And yet, they both still fought feelings of the deepest depression and hopelessness.

God doesn’t turn His back on us when we are struggling, even if it feels like it. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), even when we are in the middle of dark times.

I know that this doesn’t automatically fix everything, but it’s helpful for me to remember that as hopeless as I may feel, I am never truly alone.

Thinking about People: To the Recent Breakup

Breaking up is an occupational hazard of dating—sometimes, the return on investment is good, and you ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after (which includes dogs that poop on the carpet, after all, “happily” doesn’t mean “perfectly”). But sometimes, the work and effort you put into dating don’t pay out, and you’re left with a box of soggy tissues and an empty carton of ice cream and a lot of memories that make you cry.

Comforting a friend through a break up is an exercise in listening and compassion, more than anything else. There’s not usually much to say, unless you’re affirming that the guy went loco, or he wasn’t worth it anyways.

Curtis (he’s very wonderful) has a better knack at knowing the things to say than I do—and since good artists copy, but great artists steal (thank you Adams, Eliot, Joad, Stravinsky, Faulkner, Picasso, and apparently a handful of others), today I’m sharing his words:

“There are a few people in life who I consider to be truly special. Not always are they close friends to me, but sometimes they are. But it’s a small list of people I truly consider to be living a special and abnormally good life.

You are one of those people. You are very special. You deserve the utmost quality, importance, love, respect, and devotion from anyone who might consider being romantically involved with you. You deserve someone who will support your every passion, encourage beauty in an already beautiful life, and build more special on an already special soul.

He was trying to change you, block you from your dreams and aspirations, and shape you into an average mold when you already are a special person.

I’m not sure there is anything I can say to help the pain that always comes from the hurt that strained relationships bring. And I know this is cliché of me to say, but you deserve a much better man than him. He was immature and insecure in the way he handled himself with you.

When you find the right person, he’s going to love you, respect you, be proud of you, treat you like a queen, and encourage you in every small or big thing that even remotely excites you.

Because the right person will know what the rest of us know: you don’t try to change a special person, you support and love them.

Thinking about People: To the New Mom

I wrote this as a short devo for a baby shower a few weeks ago:

After bringing a baby home from the hospital, it doesn’t take long to realize you had no idea what you were in for. I have to feed this child how often? How many diapers every day!? I have to monitor the color of his poop??? And the ongoing marital discussion for the first few months: “How about you see if you can get him to stop crying?”

Children are absolutely a gift from God, but that doesn’t mean that raising them isn’t going to be one of the hardest things that you’ve ever done. So, on the good days, and the hard days, here are two things to remember:

1)    There is always more grace for you.

Isaiah 40:11 says, “He will tend His flock like a shepherd, he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.”

Maybe it’s not this way for everyone, but for me, having a baby was a major crash course in, “Wow. I have no idea what I’m doing.” That’s unsettling. So, when you feel clueless and tired, and you don’t know what to do, remember: You can be gentle to yourself, because God is gently leading you. It’s okay if you don’t always have the answers.

The second thing I want to remind you of is this:

2)    You are exactly the mother that your baby needs.

There’s no better way to see your own shortcomings then when you haven’t washed your hair in a week, your shirt smells like spit up, the dog just peed on the floor, the baby is crying, and the doorbell rings. It’s your perfectly dressed neighbor and her three sparkling clean children, delivering a four-course meal.

I’m sure nobody can relate to this.

Graham isn’t yet two years old, so maybe someone who has successfully raised children to adulthood may deny or confirm this, but I don’t *think* I’m alone when I say that self-doubt is a very familiar feeling in parenting. Whether it’s over discipline, or scheduling, or not letting your kid do something they do want to do, or making them do something they don’t want to do, or losing your patience when it feels like everything is falling apart, the first thought that often comes to mind is, “I wonder if I’m doing the right thing” or, sometimes, “I definitely did the wrong thing.”

But. When Got put this baby in your family, He knew exactly what kind, loving parents this boy would have. He knows everything about you and the kind of mother that you are, and he knew that was exactly what this baby needs.

So, even on the worst days, always remember: Be gentle to yourself, because God is gentle to you—and God gave this baby to you because you are the exact mother he needs.

Thinking about People

Every phase of life has a focus.

In college, I thought about passing classes and paying for school. This blog was stagnant.

During my first full-time job, I spent a hefty chunk of every day writing introspective blog posts. In my second full-time job, I honed the skills of writing and editing, and observed great leadership—less time doing introspective blog writing, more time learning the nuts and bolts of marketing copy and manipulating conversions.

Then we moved to northern Michigan, and I entered my third full-time job. I didn’t do much writing in general those days.

I took a brief interlude for full-time freelancing, which was also when I found out isolation on 12 acres day after day is not in my skill set.

Got my fourth job, and started writing middle grade fiction. Blogging is sporadic, but I’m pushing out the third book in the middle grade fiction series.

We also had a baby in there, and acquired some pets.

Mini-resume aside, the focus of this phase of life has been more on people than on introspective blog posts. And that’s okay, because life is full of seasons and people are always worth investing in.

For my next few posts, I’ll be doing a mini-series on the different people I’ve been focusing on lately—which will hopefully kickstart more regular posts from this corner of the internet. No promises. But we’ll do our best.

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And in case you only read this far because you were hoping for a picture . . .

In this episode of Things You Didn’t Anticipate Hearing Yourself Say: “Please stop eating your cereal from between your toes.”