In All the Places to Go John Ortberg writes on discerning the will of God. He says,
God’s primary will for your life is not the achievements you accrue; it’s the person you become. God’s primary will for your life is not what job you ought to take; it’s not primarily situational or circumstantial. It’s not mainly the city where you live or whether you get married or what house you ought to be in. God’s primary will for your life is that you become a magnificent person in his image, somebody with the character of Jesus. That is God’s main will for your life. No circumstance can prevent that.
We all understand that, especially parents. If you’re a parent, would you want the kind of kids you have to tell their whole lives, “Wear these clothes. Take these classes. Go to that school. Apply for this job. Marry that person. Purchase this house,” and you always have them do exactly what you tell them as long as they live? (“No” is the correct answer here. No, you wouldn’t want that.)
Why? Because your main goal is not for them to be little robots that carry out instructions; your goal is that they become people of great character and judgment. The only way for them to do that is to make lots and lots of decisions. Of course, that means they’ll make a lot of the wrong decisions. That becomes a primary way they learn.
Very often God’s will for you will be “I want you to decide,” because decision making is an indispensable part of character formation. God is primarily in the character-forming business, not the circumstance-shaping business.
And God is in the open-door business. This means a new way of looking at God. He prefers yes to no. He loves adventure and opportunity. This means a new way of looking at life. I do not have to be afraid of failure. I do not have to live in fear over circumstance. Each moment is an opportunity to look for a door that opens up into God and his presence.
This means a new way of looking at myself. I am no longer limited by my smallness and weakness. The God who opens the door to me is also the God who knows how small and weak I am.